Friday, July 20, 2007

Homecoming

The time has come. We are going home tomorrow. Jim, my husband, has been in the hospital(or hospitals) for 6 months, as of yesterday. Jim took a fall in our home, on our steps. The resulting injury broke his neck, gave him a traumatic brain injury and a small heart attack. On January 19th, 2007, life as we knew it, ceased to exist. It has taken me six months of soul searching, prayer, tears, alone time and releasing control, but I have accepted this. We are going home to a new life. One that is not so familiar, and has many unknowns.

I've been thinking about this all week. Many have asked me if I am excited, scared, nervous etc. I'm not sure, but maybe all of the above and more. Deliriously happy, too. In many ways, I have been wrapped in a cocoon these past few months. Loved on from family and friends, lifted to the heights in prayer, and showered with support. But like many things we experience in life, there are parts of a journey you must walk on your own. But then, especially during these alone times, I have felt the unseen, ever present hand of my savior, moving me along, pulling me out of bed, clearing the path before me, lifting the heavy weight in my heart and making it feel much lighter then it was.

I packed all of Jim's belongings today and finished packing mine tonight. We came to Indy in April and I swear I moved half of our house here, one week-end at a time. Our daughter, Kelli, has put up with a full time border, as well as, many week-end guest and a stressed out beagle. Nothing was required of me. She understood all to well, visiting and supporting her dad was full time energy. I don't think I could have done this here, without her. Our other kids have spent their week-ends hauling their families back and forth, giving up their time off and thinking of new ways to encourage Jim and I. We are so blessed.

Tomorrow will start the rest of our lives and only God knows what that will be. But, even with all the emotions I am feeling, I do have peace. The man I love is happy to be coming home. His home. I am so grateful to be able to take him there.

Many things will have to be put in place and changed to make it a safe place for him. He still has a brace on his neck.

And I am looking forward to his return to his art. He does beautiful oil paintings and carvings. We use to talk about what it would be like to be home together without one of us running off to work. We will now have that wonderful thing, called time, to spend with each other and family. Although many big, life changing decisions must be made soon, life will become simpler. Who knows what God has in store for us. I've walked with Him many years and I know he never waste our pain and uses it as an opportunity to make life clearer or bring someone to Him.

Each day I live, I realize more and more, why the first Bible verse I ever committed to memory(there are not many) was this:

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and HE will direct your paths. AMEN!

Tomorrow we go home. Yeah!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

OK, so I haven't continued the story. Life is happening and there is no time to write it. But I will give a short update.

We are now almost 6 months into this journey. Jim has surpassed all expectations of the medical staff and family and friends. Everyday brings a new, sometimes small, sometimes huge, reason to sing Gods praise for the progress Jim has made. Yet, I continue to ask for more.

I remember when I only needed to see Jim's eyes to be happy, then it was to move a finger, then be able to be trached, then, to breath on his own. I needed nothing more then to have each of these answered to be content for life. All these request were utterly impossible at the time. And they were huge; and they were answered and given to me.

So why, now that Jim can see, walk, talk and breath, do I put those behind me and continue to make my list for the future? Some days I stress that we will never be able to have a full conversation due to his speech problems. Or I pace the floor worrying that our conversation will never get past a circle of questions and answers. Will he remember this or that? Can we go home and carry on as before or will life be so different I won't recognize it.

What happened to, 'I only need to see his eyes to breath again?' I am amazed at my fleshly wants and poor memory for many answered prayers. Yet, I am thankful, really I am. I'm also needy. God is so much bigger then my needs, yet, I am realizing more each day that some needs are not always met in a way I will recognize. I am beginning to see them wrapped in the tissue of love and encouragement to others.

God, the Father, is using our journey of trust and hope to show Himself faithful and true, to us, and the people in our circle of life.

That, in itself, in another miracle...and, an answered prayer.